Feeling worthless? Try this.
From time to time we all experience the sense of being “not good enough”. You might doubt your capacity to achieve a certain goal, expect to be let down in relationship, or feel socially anxious, awkward or incapable. Your may have tried therapy for anxiety or depression and gotten nowhere, reinforcing the sense of being not good enough.
In depression these feelings get worse. The sense of “not good enough” can become an all-encompassing sense of utter worthlessness. The sense of self feels toxic, as if it could contaminate the world and the people in it. This is not a good place to be.
Unfortunately, despite progress, the stigmas around mental health remain. The most destructive of those stigmas are the ones that are internalised. The one’s that get to the deep parts of our minds without us knowing. The sense of worthlessness is driven by an often unconscious belief that to be struggling under the weight of depression is to be a moral failure.
In that case we must make space for all of the feelings that go with that: anger, sadness, fear, and the rest. We can learn to leave behind our feelings of worthlessness. It is not easy, but with slow, gentle practices, it is a very real possibility.
Here is a simple practice to try:
Sit quietly and bring your awareness to your breathing. Give yourself some time to connect with what you’re actually feeling, without the need to distract, judge or push away. Allow the feeling of “not good enough” to appear in your mind and body. See all the times you were told you were not good enough, that you didn’t matter. See the times that you felt left out, forgotten, abandoned, hurt. Let the feelings rise without judging them. Where do you notice them in your body? What are the qualities of the feelings? Sharp? Soft? Dull? Pulsing? Be curious and gentle. Take some time to explore.
As you look at these hurts, allow yourself to breathe into the feelings with kindness. It doesn’t need to be much, just the smallest touch of kindness that you can manage. If you need, you can recall all the times that you have been kind to others. The small things you have done for others in the past. The animals you have cared for, the friendships you’ve fostered, the plants you’ve watered. See in your mind the times that others have been kind to you. Allow the sense of kindness to move through your breath and into the hurt. Do not judge the process, just see what happens.
Fabian Storer is a Clinical Psychotherapist and Co-owner of South West Mind + Body. He holds dual bachelor degrees in Psychology/Psychophysiology (Science) as well as Psychotherapy & Counselling. He has a particular interest in working with trauma and depression and enjoys writing about the intersection of mental health and society.
